Hamlet: To Pee or Not to Pee

To pee or not to pee, that is the urination.

Whether 'tis nobler in the bladder to suffer

The discomfort of holding it in,

Or to take arms against a sea of urine,

And by opposing, relieve it.

To hold, to wait,

No more—and by waiting to say we end

The headache and the thousand natural shocks

That the bladder is heir to? 'Tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wished. To hold, to wait,

To wait, perchance to burst—ay, there's the rub,

For in that release of tension, what relief may come,

When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,

Must give us pause—there's the respect

That makes calamity of such a long hold.

For who would bear the stares and mocking laughs of time,

Th' impatient friend's ridicule, the proud man's scorn,

The pangs of holding in, the bladder's delay,

The insolence of urgency, and the spurns

That patient merit of th' unworthy takes,

When he himself might his relief make

With a quick trip to the restroom? Thus,

Conscience does make cowards of us all,

And thus the native hue of resolution

Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of urine,

And enterprises of great pith and moment,

With this regard their currents turn awry,

And lose the name of action.

Soft you now, the call of nature!—

In thy urgency, be all my sins remembered.